Mounting With Wings

One beautiful spring day many years ago, my young children weren't cooperating and I was super discouraged with parenting. I blurted out in despair, "I just need a hole to crawl into to escape for awhile." I slipped outside and meandered fifty yards from our house to a quiet spot overlooking the pond. I sat down to cry, have a pity party and pray. Six-year-old Bethany found me in my hideout and lovingly presented me a little "hole" she'd made me out of paper and scotch tape, "Here's a hole for you to crawl into mommy," she said with a smile. My heart melted. She sensed I was burdened and sought to encourage me. Needless to say, I've kept that little token of love all these years.  We all have burdens we carry or crosses to bear. Sometimes they are temporary like my discouragement that day as a young mom, but sometimes they weigh us down for years or even a lifetime. It's always a blessing when we reach out to encourage each other. It he...

The following is a conversation I recently had with my husband, Kevin: Me: Thank you for still loving me. You're amazing dear. Many men would be long gone if their wife was in my condition.  Kevin: You're stuck with me. You couldn't get rid of me if you wanted to! I love you.  Me: (tearing up) There isn't much of me left to love.  Kevin: What do you mean? All of you is still here, it's just that your muscles don't work. I love you, not what you can do. You're a human being not a human doing!  Me: (Many more tears. How I love this man!)     I still tear up when I think about that conversation. The day to day life with ALS is a blur of many needs and requests. Out of necessity I know I take much more from my husband and family than I can give. But they faithfully stand by me. Such an amazing gift! Their constant love is a beautiful reminder of God's love for me.  I recently watched a YouTube short of an Asian man caring for his wife with ALS. It showed h...

The end of May our youngest, Micah, graduated from high school. My mommy heart swelled with pride and tears ran down my cheeks as I watched him walk down the aisle to "Pomp and Circumstance" I wondered, "Where did time go? How did my sweet little boy become a man so quickly?"  My mind travels back to a vivid memory of when he was about four years old. Every week at church when the congregation stood for the closing hymn he'd look up at me with his soft brown eyes, hold up his hands and ask me to pick him up.  I'd pretend that I couldn't, saying with an exaggerated sigh, "But you're getting SO big, you're SO heavy!"  He'd respond with an appealing smile, "You better enjoy it while you can!"  I did enjoy it while I could! Finally the week came when he didn't ask anymore. Either he truly DID get too heavy for me or maybe he started to feel a little embarrassed. Either way, he stopped asking and I missed that sweet encount...

I was blessed in listening to a sermon by Elizabeth Elliot recently about suffering. She shares many inspiring insights in her YouTube series, "Suffering is Not For Nothing". She is deceased now, but she had her share of trials in life, including the murder of her missionary husband by Auca indians in 1956 when she was a young bride. She shared this quote that was quite profound: "Joy is not the absence of suffering, but the presence of God." - Janet Erskine Stuart The Bible also highlights this truth in Psalm 16:11 (ESV). "You will show me the path of life; in Your Presence there is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore." Somehow we often think that if everything is going well in our lives it will bring joy. No trials, peaceful days,  smooth sailing = joy, right?! That is what the world wants us to believe. Some of the most miserable people look great on the outside. It's easy to put on a smile, but even the sad lives and suici...

"What would you want us to do if you were miraculously healed from ALS?" my husband asked me as he walked into our bedroom. "Would you like to be missionaries in Africa or somewhere else?" His questions reverberated deep inside me; I wasn't quite sure how to answer, but I knew that the Lord had just given me my next blog topic.  Of course, in many ways, I would LOVE to be healed of this dreadful disease! Recently while our oldest daughter was helping me, doing the multitude of unpleasant tasks involved in my care, several big tears slipped down my cheek as I wished things could be different. I should be the one helping her! How I would LOVE to help her set up the nursery for her baby girl coming in June! How I would LOVE to babysit her sweet, energetic 19-month-old! It doesn't seem right or fair that I can't do these things.  And yet when Kevin asked his question you might be surprised that I didn't immediately feel excited about the thought of bein...

"Does she really want to live in her present totally paralyzed situation?"  A family member said that several people have asked that question when asking about me.  ALS is an unrelenting, tortuous, terrible disease. I can feel everything, but can't move anything except a few muscles on my face. I definitely have hard moments and days when I'm discouraged and I wonder if I can go on living in a body that doesn't work. But to help you understand my response to the question above I'll describe two different scenarios or contrasts in my world with ALS.  1) Recently we invited guests for lunch and Kevin came to get me up in my wheelchair. Simple.. Right? Not! He has to fully support me when he swings my feet around, sits me on the side of the bed and lifts me around to the chair. Sometimes when getting me up everything feels off and uncomfortable probably because I have no muscle tone and my skin is looser.  For example, the skin on my back may be stretched up at a...