Just When I Need Him Most

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It's been awhile since I published my last blog. I'm still here, not much has changed. Things are going well overall although we've been battling a bit of an infection around my trach stoma. Every day has many hard moments, but many joys too. I have much to be thankful for. 

I've been trying to think what to write about in my next blog,  but my mind seems blank for good ideas. I've already shared about many of the things I deal with from day to day.  What should I say that would be new and fresh? Since I feel in a bit of dull spot, like my proverbial creative writing juices have temporarily dried up, perhaps I'll just share a somewhat recent journal entry. 

Journal entry:

Dear Jesus help me!  You were so very close to me yesterday!  I was so inspired by a couple YouTube sermons by Carole Ward. I had such a rich, deep prayer time. I talked to you more in the wakeful moments last night and again this morning. Praise was on my lips and Your peace in my heart. I've been meditating lately on the words of the hymn, "Just When I Need Him Most." 

Just when I need Him Jesus is near, 

Just when I falter, just when I fear. 

Ready to help me, ready to cheer, 

Just when I need Him most... 


Smooth sailing, Jesus is near.. 

Then Kevin gave me a bed bath in a whirlwind rush before leaving for church. I know he loves me and is just trying to be super quick and efficient, but I can't seem to handle rush lately. I'm ok, I'm safe. I'm clean, but I feel so emotional. Maybe next time better to just skip the bath. But, I don't want to be so volatile, Lord! 

I need you moment by moment in this crazy-hard life with ALS. I want to be so completely locked in with You that I can rise above the anxiety or feelings of helplessness or whatever threatens to derail my day. Thank you for Your love and patience with me. Thank you that I don't have to perform or do things perfectly. Tears are ok. You understand. But Jesus, please strengthen my heart!  Wipe my tears and help me. This is one of those times when I need you MOST.


Links to Carole Ward videos:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2fB1RwyHNM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yPMHXwywzo

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