It’s Not About Me

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Our daughter and son-in-law recently took some pictures of Kevin and me for our 35th anniversary. They have a nice camera and did a great job, but when they sent a few pictures to preview I texted back: "Thanks for taking the pictures. I have to say it's a bit hard to see how much my weak, lopsided smile and face have changed from what they used to be like...But it may be par for the course now. Oh well, we still have each other."

The sad picture of a medically challenged, graying, middle age lady looks strangely unfamiliar. Not only have my lip muscles weakened causing the odd, lopsided smile, the inability to hold up my head contributes to an odd scrunched look in my cheeks and chin. There's a big gap between my two front teeth from constant pressure from my tongue. I suffer many indignities, but the most humiliating for me is the incessant drooling. In fact, when we're alone at home I often just bite on a folded washcloth stuffed in my mouth to get a little relief from the running faucet of saliva and save my family from having to constantly suction my mouth. It's not a very dignified look! 

I've shared before that one man with ALS said, "Once I gave up all pride and dignity, the rest has been pretty easy.”  I don't find it easy to surrender dignity. It's a pretty intense battle of the mind. I can't even control how my hair looks, much less the fact I have drool running down my chin! It's so embarrassing! I think we each desire to present a picture of normalcy at least to be socially acceptable. I know it's hard for many to know how to interact or relate to me and the sad picture I present. 

I've been reading and meditating on the life of Christ recently.  One morning I was in inner turmoil; self consciousness and unrest threatened to engulf me. Then the Bible story I had just been listening to of Jesus casting out the unruly throng in the temple came to mind. I asked Him to chase away all those discordant thoughts and feelings and replace them with His peace. I praise the Lord that He quickly answered and calmed my stressed-out mind. It's only as I keep my eyes on Jesus that He can help me rise above the inner turmoil and the indignities and at least keep me smiling perfectly on the inside.  

I know it's not about me and how I appear to others. One day soon my debilitated body will be made new, but for now there's a higher principle than worrying about the presentation of this sad shell I'm stuck in. If God can use me through this extreme trial to point others to Him and His surpassing beauty it will all be worth it. After all, it's not about me.  

Or let him take hold of my strength, That he may make peace with me; And he shall make peace with me. Isaiah 27:5



Comments

  1. Daniel GomezMay 28, 2024 at 8:16 AM

    I feel kinda of awkward posting this, but I have been extremely blessed in your journey. It's sad that in seeing others suffer we are blessed. I wish it wasn't like that, but it's a sad reality. Reminds me of Christ and how through His suffering we are blessed. I was just sitting in my vehicle and thoughts of discouragement came to me... How foolish I felt after reading your post. You have ministered to my soul in so many ways. Thank you for staying faithful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AnonymousJuly 10, 2024 at 10:39 AM

      Amen. This has happened to me many times.

      Delete
  2. Yohann ChineegadooJune 13, 2024 at 6:37 PM

    Hi, I’m from Mauritius island in the indian ocean. I am being extremely blessed by your testimony and your daughter Heather Benett’s testimony on audioverse.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousJuly 10, 2024 at 10:39 AM

    I think that picture is very beautiful. Your smile may not be perfectly symmetrical, but it radiates with peace and trust. It does more for my soul than many pictures other women share. Thank you for your determination to cling to God.

    ReplyDelete

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