Lord, I Need a Break!

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Lord, I Need a Break! 
(journal entry, turned blog)

Oh Lord, I am in desperate need of some hammock time. Before ALS, when the stress of life started to overwhelm me, I'd grab my backpack, which had my hammock, Bible and journal, and head for Lake Harriet or my special spot in the woods.  Time spent there unwinding and communing with You would always rejuvenate me.  Now I don't have that option. Because of the constancy of my needs I rarely even have alone time. I'm feeling stuck, helpless, sorry for myself, probably mixed with a good dose of selfishness.  

My dear husband and family does such an awesome job caring for me. They work around the clock to help me and are often at the border of burnout. I'm truly thankful when they have time away to get a break and do something different. I know they desperately need those times away. But when do I get my break? Everyone else has a break about every day. When do I get a break from me and the affects of ALS? 

The other day Kevin was able to go with Micah and cut up a tree that had fallen. He came back saying how good it felt to get out, use his muscles and do some manly work.  I was truly thankful for this opportunity for him. But this is where the selfishness snuck in. What about me?  When is my opportunity? I'd like to get a break and go do something womanly, or cook a meal. Lord, I would be so happy if I could just have even one day reprieve from this paralyzing bed of affliction! 

I read recently in John 4 about You healing the nobleman's son by just saying the word. I believe I have as much faith (or more) as that nobleman. He'd barely heard of You and just met You when He requested healing for his son. I've been trusting You for years now.  I absolutely have faith that You could raise me up off this bed in an instant. I pray daily for healing and it would be so easy for You!  

But somehow I know that if You don't answer that prayer there must be a deeper eternal plan in all this.  As hard as it is to say this, perhaps You're giving an even greater miracle in giving me strength to live with this disease, rather than my being delivered from it.  I trust You for the timing of when You will heal me physically, either now or at Your second coming. I won't always be stuck here. But, in the meantime, please Lord, give me rest for my troubled thoughts. 

Thank you for Your loving response:

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. "  Matthew 11:28 NIV

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