My Strong Tower

I fell asleep last night with tears drying on my cheeks.  I woke up this morning with the same fears and a few more tears spilled out.  For the most part the Lord has helped me stay positive, but on days when there seems to be slightly more progression of my ALS symptoms I’m tempted to worry and it is harder to look up.  I desire to have such a strong faith in my loving Savior that my symptoms are not the barometer of my peace level.  However, I must admit that my journey is not always sunshine and bird songs, occasionally rain clouds move in.

I sat in my favorite pink lazy-boy in my bedroom and opened my Bible, looking for promises that would give me the strength I needed to break through the clouds. But, the rain just seemed to come down harder.  Kevin called for family worship, but I informed him that I needed some more personal time so I could “get a grip” before facing the children; I hate to dampen the home atmosphere with my emotional clouds.

My caring husband had prayer with me, gave me a warm hug and looked to find me a tissue. Unfortunately with COVID-19, Walmart curb-side pick up has been all out of paper towels, napkins and Kleenex for awhile so he resorted to tossing me a hand towel from the bathroom before he left for worship.  Maybe there are others using a lot of tissues these days too.

Last Sabbath ended a beautiful time of prayer for me that my sweet sister, Carol, initiated.  She invited some close family and friends to join in “10 days of prayer for Shelly.” It was a poignant time and as we knelt in prayer as a family every night at 8 pm I was often brought to tears realizing that so many others were also praying for me. People are so caring. I am so blessed!

So why the gripping fears and tears?  I cry out to the Lord and open my phone to a precious file in my “Notes” app where I have saved all the uplifting quotes and inspiring Bible promises that friends have sent me since my diagnosis. I prayerfully read through some of them, trying to have something sink in to soothe my troubled thoughts with peace.

It took a minute, but finally I come across Proverbs 18:10; “The name of the LORD is a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is safe.”  I was also reminded of Psalm 61:1-3: “Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer. From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.  For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy.”

I cling to those thoughts... strong tower...the righteous run to it...safe. The visual picture of a small girl (me!) out in a “storm” or full of fear of the “boogie man” flashes into my mind. She’s scared!  Crying and panting she runs pellmell towards the tower, the only place she knows there is safety.  She grabs the doorknob, throws open the door, flies in, slams it shut and falls panting to the floor.  Relief and peace wash over her at the realization that she is safe!

Wow! Lord!  I needed that thought. As I contemplated this spiritual truth for a while, I sensed my loving Savior’s presence anew. I surrendered my fears, and went out to face my family. They were seated around the breakfast table and met me with smiles and loving greetings. I gave Micah, my 13-year-old, a hug and playfully stuck my cold hands down his shirt to warm them. He braced himself, “took it” and we all shared a laugh.  It seemed a fitting example of how my dear family encourage me and help to warm my heart when I feel cold inside.

After breakfast I went out on a walk on this perfect spring morning. As I strolled around Lake Harriet I typed in “strong tower’ in one of my favorite apps for encouraging quotes. I came across the most amazing one by a sweet lady in the late 1800’s who lost two of her four children to death and also personally suffered a lot of physical challenges. Once again the Lord spoke to my feeble heart as I read:

“I thank the Lord for His great mercy and goodness to me.  When I look to myself, I have not much courage, for I am encompassed with infirmities; but I am trusting in a power out of and above myself.  I do not doubt but that the Lord will help me. As my day is, so shall my strength be. The Lord is a strong tower, into which the righteous run and are safe. My present state of feebleness makes me feel the necessity of making the Lord my dependence, saying over and over again, In thee will I trust.” (This was from E G White’s diary entry written November 4, 1899, at Rockhampton, Queensland.)

Amazing! My loving Savior so skilled at bringing me just what is needed at just the right time! That quote could have been my journal entry from this morning! I took in a deep breath, let out a sigh and smiled at the beauty around me.  From inside my Strong Tower I can face another day!