The Cloud Has Lifted

I think early on after my diagnosis, even though I tried to “talk faith”, I was somewhat in denial and dealing with very real emotions. Trying to grapple with the question, “how does one still act ‘normal’ and continue to ‘do life’ with a diagnosis such as ALS?” was often on my mind. I noticed that people kind of look at you with a wondering look when you have a diagnosis over your head; they don’t know exactly what to say. Tears came easily for me and I seemed to be in somewhat of a haze. 

Looking back, I think I was stuck in a cocoon of thoughts and questions the whole month of October.  The month was filled with many things such as going as a family back home to Virginia where Kevin had the memorial service for some dear friends, traveling to more medical appointments, taking a lot of “hammock time” to think and pray, going to the “Healing ALS conference”, reading numerous notes and texts from friends, and enjoying a weekend with my siblings trying to help us figure out “the plan” from here. It was a busy month!

The first weekend of November some dear friends had us over for Sabbath lunch.  Something seemed to “come alive” in me again that day.  I am not sure exactly what it was, but somehow the hazy cloud around me lifted and I have felt the Lord’s sustaining grace free me from dwelling on my circumstances ever since. I have come to the realization that I must focus on my relationship with Him and enjoy TODAY.  I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but today I can rest in the assurance of His love and the strength He gives.

Even though much of my weekday mornings are occupied with a routine of different therapies (more about that in another post), I have endeavored lately to do more of the things that I enjoy. I have been trying to not let the fears surrounding my diagnosis hold me back from doing things to be a blessing, such as inviting friends over.  I think in November we had more than 80 non-family members over for a meal (or cooked for them), whereas in October I don’t think we really hosted anyone. This is an example of God’s goodness to “renew my strength” and give me the energy to be a blessing to others and in the process having the blessing come back to me. He is so good to me!

Not that there won’t be more questions, tears and fears in the future, but I am so thankful that He has lifted the cloud and renewed my strength. After all, why should I let the devil use my diagnosis to rob joy from today? 

This has become one of my favorite verses: “But they that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not grow weary; and they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31 I pray He is renewing your strength as well.